


hearts, lies, and friends

by summerfIing



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Psychosis, Psychotic Disorder, Psychotic Episodes, Sad, Self-Harm, Srar era, Suicide Attempt, brendon and pete aren't dicks in this, has some hospital scenes, journal type book, like very sad hahah, patrick is messed up kind of, pete and brendon want to help, sad!patrick, this might make you question reality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 02:04:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17930717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerfIing/pseuds/summerfIing
Summary: I give my heart to you, tear it up, and lie to mePlease, give me a sense of familiarity'Cause the black cloud is slowly growing smaller as the smoke that drowns me is slowly growing biggerI give my heart to you, tear it up, and lie to meSince I'm no use without the key





	1. intro

My therapist gave me a notebook to write in

 

He told me it would help

 

I don't know if it would

 

The pills didn't but now they're giving me a higher dose

 

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be okay

 

Not sad.

 

I don't like being sad all the time

 

And crazy

 

I hate being crazy

 

But people don't notice

 

They  _never_ notice

 

Maybe they don't care

 

Or maybe I'm just too good of an actor 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Damn, I forgot to introduce myself. 

 

Hi, I'm Patrick Stump and I've been diagnosed with Psychotic depression

 

Yay.

 

Oh!

 

Also, trigger warning :)


	2. 08/01/13

 

 Losing.

 

Familiar word, right?

 

We win, we lose, we end up in a frickin' tie.

 

But, none of that matters. We all just end up six feet underground. And it's sad, isn't it? One day, nobody will remember you, one day your grave will just be ignored, destroyed, gone.

 

I guess we're just life's victims.

 

However, what I don't get, is why people say they're afraid of losing. Because in reality, people aren't afraid of losing. They're afraid of winning. They believe that after something good and happy happened, in one simple moment it will just disappear. All disappear like a feather from a bird as it dives deeper into the tormenting sea.

 

And it's like that all the time. We keep on lying to ourselves, we keep hurting ourselves, we keep breaking our own hearts.

 

We keep saying it isn't our fault.

 

But, that's not true.

 

It's our  **own**  choice to keep grudging.

 

It's our  **own**  choice to keep hurting.

 

It's our **own**  choice to not let go.

 

We keep damaging ourselves.

 

And maybe, just maybe, life is just helping us let go.

 

To forget.

 

Because once we're dead. We don't worry.

 

We don't care.

 

We don't feel.

 

We're just,

 

dead.


	3. 08/12/13

  
  


There are three different kinds of lies.

 

The ones you tell others. The ones you tell to yourself. And the ones that are both. 

 

We all lie. And it's amusing. We never completely trust a person. We just say we do but, in reality, we don't. We try to give assurance, we try to gain their trust, by telling them "I trust you". 

 

But that's what makes us human, no? 

 

We manipulate, 

 

We destroy, 

 

We create, 

 

We rebuild,

 

 We cry,

 

We laugh,

 

 We hurt,

 

 We kill.

 

We are our own toxic relationship. 

 

Our own unhealthy balance.

 

Usually, they always fall apart.

 

They always get destroyed.

 

And sometimes I wonder,

 

how long it would take for this one to break.


	4. 08/27/13

 

 

Tour starts in a week.

 

And I'm scared. The guys don't know anything.

 

They don't know about the nightmares.

 

The delusions.

 

The noises that drive me insane.

 

They don't know I'm crazy.

 

Insane.

 

Mad. 

 

Delusional.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

And I hope to god, they never find out.

 

 


End file.
